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WWIII Draft: Army Addresses Parents' Concerns Over War Violence, Food Allergies

With rising tensions between the United States and Iran fueling concerns over a new war in the Middle East, the Pentagon today sought to address the fears many American parents are expressing regarding their children's health and safety should they be drafted.

"Maintaining as best we can the safety of all of our troops while also recognizing and respecting within reason any special needs a conscript might have will definitely be a priority," Army Sergeant Major Christopher Foster remarked in a statement this morning.

Still, many parents of draft-aged children report being less than reassured.

"Within reason? A priority?" one mother of a 17 year-old boy worried. "And what about the food they serve in those mess halls? And all the loud noises? My son has a mild soy allergy and is sensitive to the dark. What if he gets scared?"

Other parents expressed concerns over everything from their child's treatment during basic training to the violent content of war.

"My boy stopped having to ride in the back of the car just two years ago, and now they want to send him to a war? That seems kind of crazy," another mom commented. "Also, my son still believes in Santa Claus. What if someone at boot camp ruins it for him?"

As of press time, the Pentagon has yet to respond to concerns related to either loud noises or Santa Claus.

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